This one is for all my fellow moms—the ones trying to make what feels like the impossible, possible. Juggling life, work, kids’ schedules, cooking, cleaning, homework, groceries, keeping pets and plants (and kids) alive, parenting a teen, pre-teen, and toddler in this hot, hot, hot Curaçao weather (I will seriously flip off the next person who says global warming isn’t real).
Effe serieus: It is allot.
But we have no choice. Moms have to get 💩 done. Still, some things gotta give. For me, I thought it would be me pausing my 'Fit mom' journey for a while, the house being messier than I’m comfortable with, the kids getting too much screen time and too many non-instaMom-worthy meals. But, this one caught me off guard:
A few days ago, I noticed my 2.5-year-old daughter trying to tickle me. At first, I just thought it was a new game and didn’t think much of it. Then I noticed she was doing it quite often, and I thought, okay… it’s a new game, so she just needs to get it out of her system. But it started to become a little annoying and weird, and then all of a sudden, I realized what she was doing. When my mind wanders off—thinking about all the things that needed to be done, or whatever the worry of the moment was—my face would get serious. Every time that happened, she would start saying, "kietel, kietel, kietel mama," trying to tickle me until I snapped out of it and gave her a smile. Once the attention was on her again, the tickling stopped...
Once I realized this, a tsunami of mom guilt came over me💔: “Is she trying to regulate my emotions? It should be the other way around! Am I not being emotionally present enough for her? Am I not validating her enough? Am I emotionally neglecting her? Is this a case of parentification!? Have I already traumatized my youngest before the age of 3!?! Am I a bad mom😭?!?”
Shout out to all the perfectionist moms out there who might recognize this anxious train of thought. The train-stopper for me is asking myself: "Are these thoughts 100% unequivocally true?" In this case, and almost always, the short answer is: No. There may be some truth to them, but my fears and insecurities stem from my mind's overreaction. Nothing good comes from a pity party, and it will only make the situation worse.
My daughter is a very strong-willed toddler with big emotions, who loves connecting with people and is especially in tune with me. She mostly depends on me to help her regulate those emotions, which is normal for her age. However, compared to my other kids, it’s noticeable how much more connection and attention she needs. Being highly sensitive myself, I’ve noticed that this demand, combined with the challenges of life, can sometimes overwhelm me.
What’s really happening is that my daughter is noticing when I become distracted or mentally distant and is lovingly, in her own way, tugging at me and saying, “Mommy, I want to connect with you, to feel reassured and secure.” She is pulling me back into the moment. She seeks the comfort of knowing I’m "there" with her, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Babies and young children depend on our closeness as parents for a feeling of safety. In the wild, it was a matter of survival. And our basic needs are still connected to nature, even if we try to convince ourselves that we've outgrown them as a species.
So, it’s not that I’m failing her as a mom—rather, it shows how strong and important our bond is, and how deeply she looks to me for emotional security.
Here’s what works for me in moments like these, maybe it can help you too.
First, breathe😮💨. Try to stop that negative train of thought. Or at least slow it down. Give yourself love and grace, just as you would so freely give to others. It's okay to sometimes feel overwhelmed and drained. It’s okay if some things slip through the cracks—whether it’s the laundry, screen time limits, or even those moments when you’re not fully present. Remember, perfection isn’t the goal; growth and connection are. And some things will always have to give. But DON'T sacrifice the things you know you need in order to recharge yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Even if others may not understand or may judge you; do what you have to do—go for a walk, plan that lunch date with a friend, or schedule your alone time.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom—they need you, just as HUMAN as you are. So the next time you feel that guilt creeping in, remind yourself that showing up, loving them, and doing your best (even on the messy days) is more than enough. We’re all in this together, even if what connects us nowadays is only reading these words and relating to each other through a screen. You are not alone, mama🤗.
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